


The Little White Pill

by Cereza101



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: A lot of killing in here, Alana has a new friend, Chesapeake Ripper likes to kill, Clarice Starling is the OC, F/M, Girl goes into Hannibal universe, Hannibal is Hannibal, Hannibal is THE Cannibal, Has no idea what the world is capable of, I'm so mean to my character, Manipulative Hannibal, My First Work in This Fandom, Oh My God, Possessive Hannibal, Pre-Series, Slow Romance, Someone Help Will Graham, what is going on here?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 05:39:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2180025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cereza101/pseuds/Cereza101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There must be a completely rational explanation for the voice in my head. I am not crazy. No way. There is also a rational explanation of how I am Clarice Starling...Son of a nutcracker--is that William Graham?! Hannibal/OC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Livin' La Vida Loca

**Author's Note:**

> This was a bit of a challenge to create. Unfortunately I’ve only ever seen the movies and read a couple of the books and the first season.  
> But do not fear! I know that Hannibal is …well there are no words to describe him, but he is very difficult to write and hopefully I can pull off his character.  
> Hey look its Hannibal! Everyone’s favorite cannibal!  
> Enjoy.

            White walls…

            _White_. _Fucking_. _Walls_.

            Those were the words currently floating through my head as I took in my surroundings, while sitting on the small bed. Everything was white.

            The sheets, walls, my clothes, chair, desk— need I go on? Everything was too _clean. My room is nowhere this clean or this white._ “What is going on?” I asked myself and pushed myself off the bed and looked around the small space of what seemed to be my room. Everything I had was to the minimum, I didn't even have a handle on the door…wait that’s not right.

            My bare feet padded against the cold tiles as I made my way to the door. I pushed my hands against it, trying to open it. Nothing. I put my right ear on the door trying to listen to anything. Everything was silent, not a whisper or sound. That’s what I thought, until I heard the sounds of wheels and feet going down a hallway. I backed away from the door slowly, trying not to freak out about what was happening. That’s the problem. I don’t like not knowing what’s happening. The sounds of small wheels stopped outside of my door and heard the jingle of keys insert into the door and heard creaking of the door opening.

            A blonde man with blue eyes, who was very short dressed in all white was wheeling in a cart of what looked like a small paper cup and small pills. He couldn't hurt a fly. “Clarice, it’s time for your medicine.” He said in light voice that I have never heard before on a man. I shook my head in confusion. I turned my head to the pills, then back at him.

            “My name isn't Clarice. You have the wrong person.” I said with a glare.

            “U-um. Clarice Starling?” He tried again.

            “…” My eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Who the hell are you?”

            “I’m Timothy,” he gulped, “I-I’ve been giving you your medicine for the past 5 years.” My eyes widened and felt like screaming at the top of my lungs until my throat became raw. I had to stay composed and get the hell out of here.

 His expression was one of fear. His face turned white as sheet. I saw him reach behind the small cart and press something. “What did you do?” I stood from the bed quickly and put both of my hands on the cart in front of him. He flinched and started to back away slowly. “Where am I?”

            “I-I-uh.”

            “Where am I?” I tried to stay calm and instead my voice betrayed me, cracking in the end. I already knew where I was the moment my eyes saw its surroundings. I was in a place with a lot of white, locked in a room, and apparently had to take medicine. Not that hard to connect the dots, but deep inside I wanted to be wrong.

            He gulped and began talking, “You’re in Baltimore Hospital…f-for the C-criminally Insane.” Everything was silent…until I completely went off and threw the cart on its side. I dented the wall with the cart’s sharp corner.

            “So let me get this straight. You’re telling _me_ that I’m insane?!!!” I felt like slamming his head into the wall…whoa. Maybe I do belong here. No! Snap out of it girl! You are not crazy…I think.

            As I was contemplating whether I was crazy or not, the next thing I know, I feel a large body crushing into mine and landing on the floor. All of my air got knocked out of me and saw black dots in my vision as another small person entered the room. I felt the larger body flip me on my back and restrained my hands as the smaller person was talking to the blonde man I was questioning earlier.

            “What happened?”

            “She relapsed. I think she created another personality. She started to reject who she was, she can’t remember being in here for the past five years.”

            “Patient number 07116,” I stopped struggling. “Your name is Clarice Starling.” I looked away from the feminine voice. “Look at me, I am your doctor, Alana Bloom. I've been your doctor since you've been admitted—”

            “NO!” I was even surprised by my commanding voice. “MY NAME IS NOT CLARICE STARLING! MY NAME IS PHOENIX TODD! I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN THE SUBURBS OF LOS ANGELES AND—!” I was cut off from my rant as I felt something poke me on the back of my neck. Son of a bitch they got me.

            I started kicking and screaming as the large man put me on the bed and out of nowhere, got leather straps to tie me to the bed. “I am not Clarice! I’m not Clarice! I am me!” I started to get hazy and felt tears leaking from my eyes. I couldn't do anything. I wasn't this woman. I’m not this Clarice.

            “I am Phoenix.” I whispered.

The last thing I saw was the woman give me a look of pity. I don’t need her pity. I don’t want it. Any of it. I just want my life back. I’m not Clarice. I swear.


	2. HySTeria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet a lovely psychiatrist

I began to slowly open my eyes, but I could not for the life of me, see clearly. _Please tell me that I just dreamed everything because I fell asleep watching “Hannibal”. Please?_ Although, I could hear people talking about me. They were in my room. I tried moving a bit to get their attention, but the leather straps kept me bound to the bed.

            “Dr. Bloom, I thought you said Starling was better! You said you were able to get rid of her other personalities! Then she gets a new one! You had better be able to get rid of it.” _Looks like someone doesn’t like me. Then again, I did go a bit crazy there_. _Wait…did he just say Bloom? Then again I did hear her say she was my doctor before I got drugged._

            “Look, I know she was better, but you said that you would release her once I gave you the ok. I told you she was, you refused to let Clarice go. In fact _you,_ Dr. Chilton, are the reason she got worse. I cleared her a year ago.” _Chilton? Why me?_

            “Alright fine, it was my fault, but why did this personality pick ‘Phoenix’ as her name?” Based on his voice, he didn’t really care if it was his fault. He just didn’t want to deal with it.

            “Phoenix, there are so many names and she chose this one. Phoenix is the name of a mythological creature that dies and gets reborn from fire. She wants out Chilton. I don’t doubt that if she remains here any longer, she will get worse and we will lose her completely.”

            They talk too much. I sighed, “Both of you talk too much and too loud.” I tried to angle my head to see them both standing and surprised. “This is really uncomfortable, but please continue what you were saying and pretend that I’m not here.” My sarcasm just increased by ohhhh…I’d say a lot. I put my head back down on the bed. “How long have I been knocked out?”

            “One hour.” Dr. Bloom said. “You’re not supposed to be up, the sedative should have knocked you out for at least a few hours.” Dr. Bloom unbuckled the leather straps keeping me down. I sat up from the bed and crossed my legs, trying to get comfortable.

            “Well…I guess you got your dosage wrong?” I hesitated and rose an eyebrow up.

            “Clarice—”

            “—Phoenix please.” I corrected. Alana sighed.

            “Phoenix, the dosage was enough to take down a bull. You never were easy to take down, even when the FBI finally caught you.”

            From the corner of my eye, the man kept staring at me and looked like he couldn’t believe how I was acting compared to an hour ago. I ignored him and kept my gaze on my doctor. “If I am crazy, why am I in this type of room? Thought I’d be in chains and shackles. More importantly, _why_ am I in a crazy house?”

            “You had good behavior, now let’s not dwell on the past for now. I don’t want you to have too much information after you just had a nervous breakdown.” _I don’t want you to kill me if I tell you and you don’t like it._ Not that hard to read between the lines. “I’ve noticed something about you compared to your other personalities. Every single personality had their name start with the letter C, it made your dominant have influence over every decision made. But not this time, you chose Phoenix.” She folded her arms on her chest and walked to stand beside me. “Clarice likes to keep in control, in every single personality, they are afraid of her and all of her personalities retain at least one trait from her. You seem a lot calmer than your original personality.” Alana tightened her mouth, but for some reason I could read her. She was unhappy.

            “My original personality? I don’t understand.”

            “Your dominant one, Clarice Starling I mean. Now you seem to go by a different name and a different letter.”

            “I am NOT Clarice Starling.” How the hell did I end up in a TV show and who did I piss off in a previous life? “My _name is Phoenix Todd._ ” I wanted to smack someone…badly.

            “Based on you having decided a last name, I’d have to say that both of you are fighting for dominance. The question is _why?_ Why are you fighting for dominance?”

            “Because this is my body. I don’t share and just because you’re a psychiatrist doesn’t mean you know _everything_ that is going on with me.”

            At that point, it looked like Dr. Bloom looked at me. Really looked at me. “Describe yourself.”

            “What?”

            “Your hair color, eye color, etcetera.”

            “Okay…I have black hair, and dark brown eyes, I have a pet bird, play sports, and dance ballet. There, happy?”

            Alana looked at me with a very sad look and shook her head no. She sat next to me and reached for my hair and brought it to the front. The other hand reached into her purse and pulled out a small mirror. “Everything is wrong. You have very light brown hair with shades of blonde. Your eyes are blue and you don’t have any pets. You’ve never played sports, you took self-defense classes to further your studies and become a FBI agent.” I couldn’t stop staring at the person in the mirror. That wasn’t me, I looked like a young Jodie Foster…WHAT THE FUCK?!

            “No. No. NO. _NO!_ ” I threw the mirror away from me. I brought my knees in and began to rock back and forth. “That’s not me. I’m not her. I’m Phoenix Todd.” I kept whispering, hoping that I could wake up. I started to cry and brought both of my hands to go through my scalp of my head, bringing all of my hair to my line of vision. It wasn’t black.

            “I know that this is a lot of shock,” she tried to bring her hand on my head. I slapped her hand away.

            “ _Don’t. Touch. Me.”_ I went back into my own little world and kept looking down at my white sheets as my tears dampened them. I heard the scuffling of shoes leaving and the closing of the door.

 I must have been in that position for some time, considering the lights in my room came on. It’s probably night time already. I heard the door open and saw the small blonde man I had scared earlier, he brought in a small paper cup filled with water. “Ummm.” He looked down and I saw him blushing. For some reason…I could read him. I took the time to observe him. The slight sweat on his forehead, his shoes were well taken care of—including his uniform. Not a speck of dirt. His blush and shyness of me…well shit.

            “What did you say your name was?”

            “T-Timothy.” He stuttered cutely.

            “I’m Phoenix.” I said softly, Timothy looked like a nervous wreck.

 “I always bring you your medicine, but I was told not to for a while. Just water. Because—well—they said you weren’t feeling well and that it would make you worse. Then you won’t get better.” He rambled on. Its official, he has a crush on me.

            “Last time I met you, I was rude. I’m sorry. My name is Phoenix. Pleasure to meet you, Timothy. Before, you told me you’ve given me my medicine for five years. It that how long I’ve been here?” Timothy took small steps towards me and handed me the water.

            “I-I’m not exactly sure. I came on my first day and you were already here. I think you’ve been here for more than five years.” I drank the water in one toss.

            “…I see.”

            “I’m sorry I’m not much help. You umm…you usually don’t like talking about it. All you told me was that you’ve been here longer than I’ve been working here.” He looked like a puppy and I just kicked him.

            “That’s alright. How was…Clarice? Her personality?” I was curious to whose body I was currently sharing with, even if I did make things a bit awkward. I’m not the most social person. I’ve seen the movies and read the books, but since Alana Bloom is clearly female and there’s a younger Mr. Chilton, I’m going to say that I’m in the TV show. There’s no way that Clarice could be insane, right? She’s the protagonist. Shouldn’t that mean she’s trying to take down Lecter?

            “Well…she’s a bit difficult to explain.”

            “How is she difficult?” _I needed to know everything about her, or as much information I could get my hands on. I have to get out of here. I just need to stay calm and no matter how much I want to wallow, I need to escape._ “It’s alright if you don’t know…but could you tell me what’s been going on in the outside world? I’d really appreciate it if you told me what I’ve missed.”

 _“_ Well _…” I devoured every piece of information that was offered._


	3. MOnSteR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh you know. Chilling with the typical crazies, trying not to die, and convince yourself that you're not insane. Not the best plan but It will do for now

_Oh. My. God._

What is up with the outside world? Yeah sure on the news you hear about people dying in car crashes and getting shot, but _here_? I have to think of my every move before I act, or at least try to be cautious and try not to get killed by getting stabbed and tortured to death. Not the prettiest way to die. According to Timothy, the Chesapeake Ripper is still killing. I just want to breakdown and start kicking randomly like a girl having a meltdown. Of course that will only land me in deeper trouble and in solitary confinement for a long moment.

            Timothy told me that I am a very, _very,_ bad person. So me, running around like a headless chicken isn’t the smartest idea, it will only make it harder to leave this place.

            I laid on my bed spread eagle trying to figure out what to do. I had calmed down a bit after my small talk with Timothy-who started work here five years ago for extra money to support his single mom. Nice kid, but really needs to work on hiding his crush. I turned my head to the left and my face met the wall. Turned to the right and had the chair in my line of sight with an innocent looking cup of water and two pills. One for anxiety and the other for sleeping.

            I sighed and got off the bed to take them. Making my way to the medicine I saw something float out of the bed of my mattress landing on the tiled floor. A piece of paper lying face down. I could make out writing seeping through the back—how curious. They don’t let people like me have anything with metal, pens have metal. I ignored the pills and went down to pick it up. I turned the paper around and saw music notes written on it. _Was Clarice a composer? No, she was an FBI agent._

            In my old life, I played the piano. Now I can’t play it since I’m stuck here. I doubt the people in charge of this place will even let me have one, let alone touch one. I saw to the left and on it said “Violin”. Damn. She must have been a genius. I tried playing the violin and could not use it. I wasted two years trying to play and I could not do it. I ended up playing the piano. _Guess she was a composer in this life too, not just FBI._ I put it on the bed and lifted the mattress up.

            _Clarice, you naughty girl._ I saw three fountain pens hidden in the bottom of the mattress. There was a small hole and could see the tips of the pens poking out of its hiding place. I reached in to take them out and a piece of rolled paper came out along with it, only difference was that these had no music notes on them. These had blueprints to escape the “hospital” with times given on whose shift ended and estimated time I had to go through. _Clarice! I love you right now!_

            Wait…how did she get these? My eyes flickered to the bottom of the blueprints and saw a small amount of dried blood smudged on the right hand corner.

            I shuddered.

_A few Months Later_

            “07116!” My eyes snapped open and I shot up from my bed. I heard the door open and saw light coming in through exit. “It’s time to share.” He said with a monotone voice and held up restraints. “You know the drill.” Yes, I know the drill. I just stood as he came behind my back and had my wrists cuffed together, doing the same thing with my legs. Here came the crazy part, he brought out a mask that covered my lower part of my face-cheeks and mouth, but didn’t keep me from biting with words.

            I was led to another room and was sat on a chair behind glass. On the other side of the glass was Dr. Bloom and Dr. Chilton. “Good morning Clarice. I’m sorry about the continuing of these sessions, it’s necessary to see if you will need a different treatment or if you’re stable enough to keep to the lower medicine.” I was silent and observed the room I was in and finally stopped to stare at the two doctors sitting before me. I kept telling them I’m not Clarice for the past 3 months, they don’t listen. The sessions were always the same thing.

I made eye contact with Chilton first to see if I could read him still. I’ve been able to read a lot of people without knowing it. My head just went through the smallest of details and sometimes it was just too much. I had to learn block it. I didn’t want to know if a patient was having sex with a guard or if there was drugs being slipped under the radar.

He just looked at me as if I was some sort of specimen—I saw what was going on in his head. I switched my gaze to Alana and she looked a bit nervous, I could see her tapping a black pen on her notepad. Not to mention I still had all of my restraints on, must’ve looked scarier since they usually take them off.

            “I’m hungry.” I said randomly.

            “Yes, we realize that we are taking away your time to eat, but this is serious. If this personality is violent, we will have to get rid of it.” Dr. Chilton said with an impatient tone. I knew it was annoyance. He didn’t want to get rid of my ‘personality’, he wanted to poke me with a stick until I tell him what he wants to know and how my mind works.

            “So he speaks. I thought you were ignoring me.” I saw his face and for a moment I saw fear. It was less than a second, but I caught it. “Are you afraid of me Dr. Chilton? Or does Clarice normally ignore you considering how in every single past session with me I’ve yet to hear a peep out of you.” I of course was only going on observation, I didn’t know if Clarice even acknowledged his existence.

            He glared at me as Alana tried to maintain some sort of peace. I had to admit, Clarice has good judge of character. “What Dr. Chilton means is that we want to heal you. You’ve been here for a long time now Clarice.”

            “Phoenix. I am Phoenix. How many times do I have to repeat myself to get it through your thick skulls?” I sighed and rolled my eyes. I am so glad Hannibal isn’t my psychiatrist, he probably would’ve eaten me by now because of my ‘rude’ personality.

            “Alright Phoenix, we just want to ask you if you remember anything or at least gotten a few memories prior to your ‘new’ life here.”

            “All I get are series of flashes, it’s not clear and they make no sense. They mostly come in dreams. That’s it.” I answered as truthfully as possible with quick and straight to the point sentences. Alana was a very nice person, she actually wanted me to get better, “Can I go eat now?”

            “No.”

            I closed my eyes in annoyance and flipped my head back, still sitting in my chair.

_55555_

            “Hey Phoenix!” I turned around with a tray of food in my hands. It was lunch time and I got a lot of food. I missed breakfast, don’t judge me. After many questions, I was finally able to be let go—not out of the hospital of course. I thought I would have been crazy already—I guess having two psychologists helped ease me into this kind of life.

            The man who called my name was a newbie. He was admitted a week ago after being declared not guilty because his lawyer declared him insane and it “wasn’t his fault”. So apparently it’s okay to kill people by blowing up their home and setting fire to businesses. Yeah, sounds _really_ legit.

            I sighed in annoyance as he walked over to me. At first glance he seems like an innocent adult who would never seem like a person to do such an act. Trust me, everything—even the way he acts screams psycho. Don’t even know why they put him with the ‘less harmful crazies’. “Hello Lucas.” I turned again to seek out my table that was usually deserted and sat down knowing he would follow me. That was how we met. I sat at my table minding my own business and the newbie went with the person sitting alone.

            “Awww, why the cold shoulder? You usually _love it_ when I come over. I can always warm your bed.” Another thing I don’t like about him, he tries to have sex with anything that has a pulse. Doesn’t matter if it has a dick or a vagina. If it has a beating heart and near him, he will flirt and try to have sex with it. If you ever see him in real life, _run._ If there’s a body of water in front of you and that’s the only way to get away from him…You had better learn to pull a Jesus and run on water.

            “No, I usually _love_ _it_ when you leave me alone and walk the other way. Leave me alone.”

            “But Phoenix!” Lucas said dramatically and clutched his heart feigning hurt. He sat next to me and brought his left arm over my shoulder and hugged me closer to him, making the both of us look out the window in front of us. “You’re my partner in crime!” He brought his right arm up and in a motion as if showing me the stars from Disney’s _Aladdin—_ but it was really the window _._ “We were meant to wreak havoc on the world, you and me Phoenix! We can be like Bonnie and Clyde!” Sometimes he just had way too much energy.

            “Hey! No touching other patients!” The guards always had to go after him. It was a rule that you couldn’t touch other patients. Apparently there have been many deaths and don’t want to deal with more paperwork, and dead bodies. They restrict touching to just about nothing, but as you can see, it does nothing to Lucas.

            “That’s my cue Phoenix, gotta run!” He ran as more guards were on to him. Leaving me in peace to eat my food. At least until another person came by.

            “Ph-Phoenix?” I heard a whisper and looked up from my food. I looked like a chipmunk with all the food I shoved in my mouth. I dry swallowed it and gave my attention to a teenaged girl who had apparently been an acquaintance of Clarice. The only acquaintance. She had to get used to my new name and even though I didn’t talk to anyone she still talked to me. She looked like she was already used to Clarice having so many personalities. She treated me as if I was Clarice and nothing has changed.

            “Yes Sara?” The girl had committed over ten murders while underage. She’s seventeen years old now and was admitted here a year ago. She’s quiet and gets out of the way of people and their problems, besides that she was a good girl. Just don’t piss her off.

            “U-umm. C-can you take a walk w-with me?” I nodded yes and she smiled a bit. Hey, I’ve been trapped here for a while might as well meet people. I _was_ going to escape using Clarice’s plans, but when I was about to do so, they were stolen from my room—hey on the bright side I still had the pens, and I can still doodle when I’m bored—Two days later I find out that someone had tried to escape using the planned route Clarice made, but they made a mistake. They did it on a Wednesday and not a Thursday. The person was shot and killed instantly, making my old route officially useless since I’m pretty sure that they found the original plans and rearranged guard duty.

            Before I left with her, I took an apple and we just walked around the cafeteria. I kept eating as she talked about her fears of killing again for small reasons. Annoyance. Just like how Hannibal kills the rude, Sarah kills the annoying, but then she feels bad after and tries to make amends by taking _out the heart_ and putting it in a box and sending it to the family with a note that says ‘sorry’. Not the most apologetic note but you cannot deny, Sarah did it with style. Oh god I sound crazy now.

 I still don’t know anything about Clarice, besides the fact that apparently she has a few screws loose in her head. I want to know how she became this. “Phoenix?” Sarah snapped me out of my musings.

            “Hm.” I kept looking at my surroundings.

            “You’re a lot calmer than before.”

            “So I’ve heard.”

            “Your accent is different too.” That caught my attention.

            “Accent?”

            “You sound like someone from the west coast. You told me you were raised in West Virginia.”

            “Anything else I—er—Clarice told you?” I know she grew up in a small town, that’s for sure. It said in the movies and books…then again, I’m in the TV show. It could be different.

            “Hmmm. No, that’s the most you ever told me. You keep to yourself a lot.”

            “…”

            _Damn._


	4. I tHinK I'M PARaNoID

It felt like forever today. The day wouldn't speed up as I sat in my chair slumped over and stared at my hands on my thighs. I kept tapping my index finger in a restless manner. I certainly wanted to get out of here, but I knew better. How the hell would I survive out there?

I had no money, job, clothes, and I doubt that I had a house. If I were to be released and though it would be nice, I had no way to fend for myself. Not to mention that if I did manage to somehow get a small place to live, I doubt I'd get a job. I'm in need of real human contact, but I'm pretty sure that I'd be awkward around people by now. I'm forced to put crimes of my past on a résumé that I have no recollection of and I'm pretty sure people would alienate me or try to kill me. Whichever is more convenient for them to do. I have the worst luck, don't I?

I sighed and thought to myself, I could always try to go work for the FBI…but then Crawford would probably jack me up as bad as Will—if he ever finds out I can do something similar to Will. I honestly don't even want to deal with the FBI. I just want to live in a small house as a hermit. I wouldn't mind at all honestly.

Talking with Alana has made me open up a bit to her, especially since Chilton stopped coming with her. There was this one time she actually took me out of here to see the courtyard and walk around with her. Of course there was a few guards following us. When I mean a few, it's actually like five or six. Maybe more, not exactly sure.

I heard a rolling of wheels again, I stood up and looked behind me to face the door in curiosity. The jingling of keys and the door opening—it felt like déjà vu from when I first opened my eyes to find out I was trapped.

"Hi Phoenix!" Timothy chirped at me with a smile.

I nodded at him once, he knows that I'm not much of a talker. He wheeled something in, a mirror of some kind and placed it leaning against the wall. "Why is this here?"

"It's from Dr. Bloom, she said that it was something for you to get used to your looks." He said with a small blush and looked interested in the floor. "She said that she wanted you to accept who you are."

I scrunched my nose in apprehension and held in a sigh. "Thank you Timothy." He shuffled his feet towards the door.

He was about to exit but suddenly stopped. "Oh!" He turned around to face me again. "I heard a rumor going on. That you might be released by the end of the month." My eyes widened a bit. "I just thought you should know." He left and locked the door.

I felt like jumping and running around like a headless chicken in excitement, but I suppressed the urge. I looked at the full body mirror and noticed that there was a large white sheet covering it. I walked towards it cautiously and was about to take off the sheet, but another pair of keys and opening of the door distracted me.

"Clarice, its lunch time." The man who has been doing this for months didn't need to cuff or restrain me. Apparently I was now labeled as docile and the extra security wasn't needed. I was able to lead myself out to lunch by myself without an escort too.

"Oh Phoeeeeeeeniiiiiiix!"

"Fuck my life." I whispered under my breath.

"A little birdy told me you would be let out of here soon." Lucas was still annoying, but he looked out for me and meant well…when he wasn't trying to get into my pants.

"It's just a rumor, no need to get so excited about it."

"I'm going to miss you." The way he looked reminded me of an anime character when they were sad and leaked a river of tears. I awkwardly patted his head and went to sit at my table with my food. He sat and talked about how I should take over his business of blowing stuff up. Oh, did I mention that he used to be a chemist? That was why he was so good at being an arsonist. He's also teaching me chemistry. I was able to learn the periodic table…all 118 elements. That's only the surface of what he's taught me. I'm surprised he didn't become a professor at Harvard or something. He would have made a lot of money.

I saw Sara and thought my chances of not having my ears bleed out by his voice. I have to admit, Lucas' voice is sexy, but it gets annoying with his lame pick-up lines. "Sara," she paused in her step and looked at me. I motioned for her to come over and sit between me and Lucas. Obviously since I knew Lucas, he and Sara were bound to meet. I was glad that he didn't flirt with her, I think she would have killed him.

She sat down and looked extremely depressed. "What's wrong Sara?" Lucas was always good in this department. I wasn't good at comforting people, it was always awkward.

"Phoenix is leaving us." she whispered. Sara reminded me of a kicked puppy after it's abandoned on the side of the road while raining. It didn't help that Sara just came back from a shower with wet hair.

"You don't have to worry about that, it's only a rumor. If I really was going to be let out of here, they would have to already have papers for me to sign, blah, blah, blah. Not to mention that the higher ups would have to actually do WORK in order for me to be released. Not to mention I've been here over five years." I took a bite out of my Turkey sandwich and was tapped on my shoulder. I looked up and noticed it was the guard that always let me out and escorted me to places. "Yes, can I help you Jack?" I never learned his name. He was always business and couldn't take a joke. So I always called him 'Jack'.

"Dr. Bloom would like to have a word with you."

"Fine, just let me finish my food and-"

"Right now."

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." I said as I left with a huff. I looked back and saw Sara's eyes widen and saw a disturbing glint in her eyes. I think I should've just kept my mouth shut and not talk about me being released. I walked through the halls alone and stretched my arms over my head and brought them down.

CLANG!

I froze and looked down as I felt something fall out of my sleeve. There was nothing there, but I looked behind my leg and saw a knife laying innocently on the floor. "Did that just come out of my sleeve?" I whispered to myself and picked it up, hoping that no one saw since everyone was at lunch. I went to the nearest bathroom and disposed of it.

I was lucky that in these lower levels they actually trusted us to go to the bathrooms by ourselves. I dug through the trashcan and made the knife fall at the bottom and put all the towels back into it. I was so happy I was able to find a trashcan full of paper towels and not the bathroom tissues. I would have been scarred for life.

55555

"Dr. Bloom, you wanted to see me?" I was able to walk into her office for the first time...without the glass walls...and without an escort...is this a set-up?

"Yes Phoenix, please sit down." Alana Bloom was in a small office with a window behind her as she sat on her black chair. I sat on a couch that was very comfy and faced Dr. Bloom. "I've been hearing rumors that you make some of the guards and patients uncomfortable."

She sure doesn't waste time. "I have no idea of what you're talking about. I make everyone uncomfortable. Could you be a bit more specific?" I really had no idea of what she was talking about.

"I received complaints from both parties wondering how you could figure them out. That you could read them like a book. You could tell their whole life story. It's either that or you can tell when they're lying."

I shrugged, "They're easy to read. If you were to pay attention, and I mean truly pay attention to something else besides their words—analyze the face. I don't know how I can do it. I just know." She looked at me and gave me a shocked look. Her head slowly went down to stare at something interesting about her pen in her hands.

"You're scared of me." I saw no movement. "No. You're scared of what I can do." Bingo, I saw a slight twitch in her eye. "Why are you afraid of me, besides it being a cheap parlor trick of course?" I weakly laughed it off.

She gulped and continued where she started. "I was hoping that you were guessing." she took a deep breath, "Remember when I said that Clarice is the dominant personality? How she likes to have traits of hers in the smaller personalities?"

I nodded and tried to stay calm. I did not like where this was going. "Yes, I remember."

"The traits Clarice's other personalities retained were her traits of drawing pictures of the same thing over and over again or expressing deep resentment towards human contact with the same people who have crossed Clarice, with the exception of Sara. It was always on and off, but those were the only traits that allowed Clarice control and let them know that she's watching." She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "What you can do is a trait of Clarice, being able to read people. She's letting you know that she's there, and she's watching you." I wanted to roll over and die.

"..." I didn't have anything to say.

"This could also be a number of different possibilities too. The first is what I just explained to you. The second option is that you and Clarice are starting to combine and become one. The third is that Clarice is evolving into a whole other level of multiple personality disorder. One that I've never seen in my entire career. The fact that you were able to name a different state that's in the West coast as the place you grew up a few months ago is proof of that."

"Hypothetically, what would happen if Clarice is evolving into a different level?"

"You would no longer exist after a few months. Phoenix would no longer exist. She would keep on making different personalities. That's what always happens to her other personalities. They always feel in control, but she's there."

I looked down and looked to my right. Across the room my eyes flickered as I saw a table with a pie cut in half with a knife stabbed into it. I looked back down, afraid of the incident that happened on my way over here. 'I never even went near a knife.'

"I have good news for you."

My head whipped back to her.

"I think that if you stopped or tried not to read people, it might lessen Clarice's hold on you. If you rely too much on her 'skill' I believe that you will be destroyed by her. You'll start to notice signs of violence in your routine as you progress."

"Why help me? You've already hinted that Clarice is violent." I felt vulnerable, knowing that someone else was with me and could practically see and know what I was doing, my thoughts not so private anymore. No such thing as privacy.

"Because it's my job...and I think that you are or would've been a different version of Clarice, had certain incidents not gone the way it did for her. I am also releasing you from here. You are going to go back out into the world. I will still be in constant contact with you and making sure that-" Alana stood up from her seat and went into her cabinets to find some sort of document.

Alana's voice faded out as I found myself panicking. How am I going to survive out there? I've been in here for so long I can't even remember what Hannibal looks like! I know he doesn't like the rude! He eats them—oh my god! I'm so going to die! I need to get etiquette lessons! At least it will make my chances of staying alive a lot more. Wait, maybe if I'm lucky enough, I won't meet Hannibal! Who am I kidding, Alana's going to be constantly in contact with me. I'm bound to meet him—I could always make up excuses, but how do I execute it?

"Phoenix?"

"Huh?" I blinked with wide eyes and noticed that I was standing next to the couch close to the table. The hell is going on! "Sorry, you said something?"

"I need you to fill out these forms, they consent to me being able to come into your home unannounced and check up on you."

"…I don't have a home."

"Whenever we release patients, we allow you to have the first few months free—depending on what stage of healing you're in—to get back onto your feet. You can get a job anywhere you'd like."

"If the manager even wants me in the first place and not a crazy person who has killed people in the past with no memories up until a few months ago. I don't understand. Is this Dr. Chilton's doing? He wants to see me, an insane person, become his little lab rat doesn't he? I'm his new shiny toy to play with when he's bored. Don't think I don't see his looks when he passes me by the halls. I want my own life, I don't want to be anybody's puppet."

My fists clenched in anger, but my face was calm. Alana had the power to release me and if I lashed out in anger and attacked because of my uncontrolled state of mind, she wouldn't let me go. I wanted to leave here so badly, however I was afraid of the freedom too. I would end up in reality instead of my little bubble that I have created here.

"It seems that way, but I promise you. I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that you can have your life back."

"…You never told me…how long have I been in here? What did Clarice do wrong?"

"To answer your first question, you've been here since you were 20 years old. You were a protégé and had top marks in your classes and about to get your BA. Really good in self-defense classes as well. I remember that you took down a man twice your size here when he tried to kill you in the higher security levels." She nodded her head.

"How old am I now?" I felt a bit older than when I suddenly landed here in 'Hannibal World'.

"You are currently 29 years old. In exactly a week you will be 30."

"What's the date?" My voice cracked in the end. "What's today's date? Include the year please." I remembered being 23 in my old life.

"Today is Monday, June 24, 2013. Your birthday is July 1st." I shut down and felt my body become numb. It wasn't until I woke up again in my little room I realized that Alana never answered what Clarice did in specific details to get admitted in here. I know she killed, but that was it, nothing else was ever spoken. I got off my bed and paced in my room for a while and saw the documents at the end of the bed that I was supposed to sign.

I walked over to it and bumped the bed by accident.

CLANG!

I looked down and my eyes widened in shock. It was the knife that was in Alana's office.

"You know Phoenix, you should be careful when you have a weapon like that. You could've gotten hurt." I looked to the left of me, then to my right in search of the echoing voice in my room. There was nothing there. "Well of course you can't see me sweetie. I'm you…well it's more like you're me actually." The voice had an accent, but I felt the back of my spine shiver. I had a feeling of who it could be.

I could feel my body shivering all over. My hands wouldn't stop moving. "Whose there?"

"You already know who I am sweetie. Don't pretend you don't know who I am and where I'm talking from. It's very degrading to our intelligence. If you want to see me, take off the cover of the full body mirror."

I slowly made my way to the other side of the room, I could feel my heart pounding as my feet dragged across the floor. My arm going up to grab the cloth and pulled it down.

There, standing before me was the image of Clarice, it was me—no, the woman in front of me had a smirk on the corner of her mouth. Her eyes were that of a predator, I could see how dangerous those blue eyes of hers were. "Nice to finally make an acquaintance, Phoenix."

I could only stare in horror as I felt tears coming down. I was so afraid of this, of what I was, how I couldn't accept who Clarice was, but this was undeniable proof.

"Hello sweetie."


	5. CoUGH SyrUp

"Hello sweetie." Clarice's smirk was bone chilling and could feel an uneasy vibe within my body. It was difficult to describe what I was feeling, it was my body and yet it felt like me and her were in separate bodies. "Come now, don't be shy." I couldn't stop my body from complying with her demands as my legs felt like jelly. I came to stand before the mirror and got a good look at her eyes. They were filled with mirth and something hidden behind them. A sort of sadness. "There's no need to shed a few tears Phoenix. I won't get rid of you. Not like the other personalities." I closed my eyes while shaking my head making me feel dizzy and looked back at her.

"I—I don't understand. How the hell can I have a conversation with you? Alana never mentioned her personalities ever contacting you."

"You're different." Her head tilted slightly to the left and back up. "I knew it the first time I created you. You have any idea how hard it was for me to make contact with you? Sure you had my ability, but I couldn't make myself known to you. As for your question, technically you're talking to your reflection—to an outsider it may seem that way. You're able to see me because it's all in your head." She whispered her last sentence to me and smiled at me with big eyes.

"Wait! Wait, hold up! Does that mean you were the one with the—" I pointed at the knife that was on my floor.

"Yes." She responded blankly.

"And in the hall on my way to Dr. Bloom—"

"Now you're getting it. I can take control of your body now. Don't worry though. You're much too entertaining to not let you go and see what actions you take in different situations."

Please don't tell me she's like Chilton.

"Don't you dare compare me to that asshole!" She all but roared and made my head hurt. I clutched at my head trying to block out the echo in my head. Oh crap…she knows what I'm thinking. "Of course I know. You are me. We share just about the same everything."

"Sorry, ummm, why did you 'create' me?"

"I was bored." She shrugged and puckered her lips showing that she really was bored. Her face went blank again. "Think how excited I got when you started to show signs of insanity in your head. Then I was sad because you were able to adjust to everything here. You thought this was a TV show, I thought you were mad." She chuckled for a bit until she suddenly stopped. Damn, she had mood swings. "I do not have mood swings. Anyway, I thought you were crazy, until I went through your memories. I saw everything that you went through and everything you haven't went through. Seriously?" Her eyebrow arched as the other went down. "You're still a virgin and you were 23." I blushed like crazy.

"Well excuse me! I had to work on my studies! I couldn't afford to be distracted! And oh my god, I'm yelling at my own reflection." I turned around to face the bed but ended up facing Clarice again.

"I'm only teasing. Besides, I'm a virgin too. So chill. Then again, I have been in here for a while, but I'm pretty sure I had no need for sexual encounters with others who are beneath me. Lucas does have a cute ass though, I would totally have him—"

I groaned and put my head in my hands. "Please, can we not talk about our sex life?" I was about to die of embarrassment.

"Okay, okay," Her hands went up trying to calm me down. "Speaking of being here for a while, did the beautiful Alana Bloom tell you how long you've been in here?"

"Yes, for about ten years."

"Well, I certainly didn't expect for her to lie to you. She sure has gotten better with omitting information."

"Say what?"

"I've been here since Timothy started working here. Five years—not ten."

"Timothy and Alana said—"

"Timothy wouldn't leave me alone and he came to the wrong conclusion of my short answers. You asked Alana how long you've been here, you didn't ask the right question. It should have been 'How long have I been admitted inside of Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane?'"

"…"

"Alana is very good with loopholes. I may have rubbed off on her in that department by accident. I have been seeing Alana for the first five years of my ten when my 'issues' were getting bad. The last five years I was officially admitted in here."

"What's the difference between the two?"

"I had my home, now I have nothing. Alana means well, but I guess that she sees me as a little sister. She has all of my dirty little secrets."

"Dirty Secrets…Clarice, what was so bad that you were admitted in here? Who did you kill?"

"You're asking the wrong question Phoenix."

"How many did you kill?"

"Wrong again. You should be asking me why. Why did I kill?"

"...Why did you kill?"

"To survive."

"I don't understand." Clarice was about to say something until we heard the squeaking of turning wheels.

"It's Timothy, quickly hide the knife. Put it under your mattress." I did as she instructed clenching the knife off the floor and lifting up the mattress slightly and slid the weapon inside. "There's something else I must discuss with you." I got the sheet that was covering the mirror and was about to put it back on. "Wait! Not yet! Be very cautious of Sara. Don't stay alone with her at all. She's unstable. I know the signs, we'll talk more about it after Timothy leaves. Another thing, just go in front of the mirror if you want to make contact. It's easier to make a connection and it won't freak you out if I randomly talk in your head."

"I understand, but Sara—"

"Is not harmless. Don't forget that everyone is here for a reason. Even us."

I covered the mirror and went back to my bed just as Timothy opened the door.

"Hey Phoenix! I brought your medicine." He gave it to me and I accepted it. "You still haven't seen yourself in the mirror yet?" he motioned to the white sheet.

"I did, and it was a bit…overwhelming."

"I'm sure you don't mean it. You look really pretty. I-I mean you look well." He kept stuttering over his words. "Is it official now? You're getting released?" He looked chipper and started to rock back and forth on his heels. He went on a tangent and it felt like hours.

"Yes, how do you hear all of this again?"

He froze and didn't make any eye contact with me. "I'm just going to leave." I swear, he is like a small skittish kitty. He slipped a piece of paper under my mattress and left quickly.

"Phoenix, I need you to fill out the documents and make a meeting with Alana tomorrow."

"Wait—what?" I don't think I will ever get used to this whole voice in my head and having a conversation with it.

"The documents, fill it out, get Alana to meet with you again." I stood up and pulled off the sheet to see her…me.

"You know when people find out I'm talking to myself, they are not going to let me out of this place."

"Not if you get caught. Besides, I've got your back."

"…That doesn't make me feel any better." I hunched over the document. "Why should I even trust you?"

"Like I said before, you entertain me, and I hate being bored. Bad things happen when I'm bored. Just fill it out."

I sigh and roll my eyes as I get one of my pens from under the mattress and get the paper that Timothy slipped me. It was a piece of paper filled with pictures. I ignored it and the knife I hid, my eyes scanning the documents. The first one was a survey, and the second one was just to fill out my information.

"This is going to take a long while isn't it?"

Clarice giggled, "Oh you have no idea."

After the "Get to Know Clarice" fill out document, I noticed that everything about her seemed normal. I wouldn't have ever thought her capable of killing.

"I never thought I could either sweetie. I had everything a child could ever dream of having. I planned everything out from when I was little. Then it all came crashing down and things don't go exactly as planned. Word of advice, always expect the unexpected, especially here. I swear it's like a beacon for murders to get pulled in around this place." She moved her lower jaw left to right. "We need to make a way for Alana to see you earlier."

"How? Why are you so imperative that she sees me quickly?"

"Sara. You don't know what she's capable of. I have seen the signs of her insanity and it's creeping up on her. Alana offered you a way out, I'm only speeding up the process."

"How do you suggest I get her attention if she makes the meetings?"

"I don't know, just do something."

"…"

"…"

I punched the mirror.

55555

"You punched. A mirror." I felt like I was being scolded by a parent…this is Alana, soooo I guess it counts.

"Yes…"

"What made you punch it?"

Oh no! She's on to you, quick make something up! "I got scared and might have accidentally overreacted a bit." My right hand went to cover my left knuckles and brought both hands up to my chest cradling my bandaged wound.

She pinched her nose, "If this happens again, I won't be able to let this slide. I'm going to put in a new request to postpone your release until October. Please don't break on me when you're already so close to freedom."

"Alright, I'll try." I took out the documents needed and passed them to her.

Her eyes widened not knowing that the documents would be given so quickly. She scanned over everything. "Looks like you're eager to get out of here. I don't blame you, being stuck here for ten years—"

Five years I said mentally.

"Looks like you're all set. You're going to be released by the end of this week. Just please try not to go punching mirrors around." She gave me a smile and filed the documents in her cabinet.

On the outside I looked calm and happy but on the inside I was hyperventilating because A) I was finally getting out. B) I'm probably not going to last out of here. C) There's no way in hell that I am going to make any contact with Hannibal. EVER. If I can remember what he looks like?

"How many times are you going to check on me? I know its protocol for people like me to get checked up on, but how many times are you going to pop up on me? I'd like my privacy."

"We will make a schedule when the time gets closer to the date of your release. On the actual date, we will discuss everything and any questions you have will be answered."

She's really dodgy with me asking questions. It's like she doesn't want me to have the answers. I wonder sometimes if she's still afraid of me, or if she still wants me to ease into my "identity". Especially since I'm going to be released into the wild.

"I think it's time that you left, it's almost lunch." She said without looking behind her for the time. I looked behind and it indeed was two minutes till lunch. How does she do that? "I will have a new mirror for you later today. Enjoy the rest of the day."

I left with a new resolve. Try not to get bashed on by the crazies. They have this weird thing when a person is going to be released they hit them with a towel during shower time—otherwise known as towel whipping. I've seen it happen and dear god it looks like it hurts! You usually see this kind of thing in movies with guys, but apparently it's okay when a girl does it to a girl. Not only that, but they somehow get booze and sneak it in during "sharing time".

Sharing time is an hour when we sit in a circle and talk about how we feel, how our day was, etcetera. Let me tell you—when it's sharing time and there's booze, these people know how to get down and party. They also sneak in stuff we're not even allowed to look at...also known as Marijuana. These people aren't so bad when they're high, mostly because they don't think about killing each other, instead they end up singing weird songs…like that Macarena song. I got drunk that night and when I woke up…no way in hell am I touching alcohol with a ten foot pole. I am not waking up to someone's boobs in my face again.

55555

"Phoenix! Hey, wait up a moment!" Lucas caught up to me as I walked down to the usual table. He seemed…worried? I could see the rising and falling of his chest. A thin layer of sweat shined on his skin. "I have to discuss something with you. It's about Sara." He grabbed both of my shoulders and brought his gaze level to mine. "Don't trust her Phoenix. She is crazy, as in she needs the highest level of security." I looked down and noticed blood on his shirt, only it was his. There was a knife sticking out of him.

"Lu—"

"Don't say anything right now. She might be looking for me." He looked behind us and his back. "Do not bring any attention to yourself, although it might be too late. Congratulations on getting out of here, hopefully it's soon. I doubt Sara will allow me to live after this. Did you get a piece of paper from Timothy?"

"Yes, wait. That was you?!"

"Shhhhh! Yes. It's code. When you get out of here, use it to get into contact with my people if you ever need any help or find yourself in trouble."

"I get the feeling that you're saying goodbye."

"…Good luck out there. Whatever you do, don't be rude to anyone. You never know if it's the Ripper you accidentally bump into." I shook my head.

"How do you know the MO?"

"I know people who are good at their jobs as hackers and badass at profiling. The criminal world has changed since you've been locked up here. I know all about you Clarice Starling. I was sent to find you and send information to your previous employer. The Criminal world is ruled by hierarchy. Think of it as chess. That's all I can tell you." He left quickly trying to cover his wound and walking away into the hallway towards his room.

"Hello Phoenix." It was Sara's voice. Except it carried a hint of malice with it. I turned around facing Sara. Gone was the shy girl I knew.

"Hello Sara." I tried to look unaffected of what Lucas just told me. In the back of my mind I could still hear Clarice's warning as well. Luckily, we were in the middle of lunch with lots of witnesses.

"Have you seen Lucas?"

"No, why do you need him?" I tried not to let anything show on my face. It's hard not to flinch.

"Hm. If you see him, tell him I need his help with something? Thanks." She left as quickly as she came.

55555

"Son of a nutcracker!" I yell as I try laying down in bed. I have no idea how it happened, but I was towel whipped by all the girls and kept smacking my bare ass. I stood in front of my body length mirror and turned around so my back would be facing the mirror. I lifted up my shirt and saw how red my back was. It hurt to even put my shirt back on. "One step at a time Phoenix. One step."

There was a whistle. "I didn't know I could get that red. I look like a lobster that just walked out of a sauna."

"I am not in the mood Clarice." I walked over to my bed and collapsed on it. My face landing on the pillow and mumbling into it.

"What did you say sweetie?"

"Why must you talk to me while I'm trying to wallow in my pain?" I lifted my head towards the mirror and glared at my smiling reflection. She waved at me in a childish manner.

"If it makes you feel any better, I thought the girls were cute." I did a double take.

"I thought you liked men!"

"Doesn't mean I can't appreciate the female body!" Clarice winked at me and left…not the appropriate word to describe she stopped talking to me in my head and in the mirror, but it's the most accurate. I took my pillow from under my head and crushed it onto my face. I screamed into it trying to suffocate myself but obviously not working.

"Dear lord, is this why people don't get better? I feel like I'm crazier than I usually am. The moment I lose an argument with myself is the day I really have to be worried. It had been three days since I had heard from Sara or Lucas. Tomorrow morning I would be released to the outside world. I couldn't believe that I was about to see the world, I thought it took longer for the paperwork to be processed.

I closed my eyes to rest a little bit and I opened them to end up seeing darkness set into my room. It was nighttime. "I don't remember sleeping." I felt chills run down my spine as if I were being watched.

Thunk.

My head jerked up to the door, my body moved on its own accord as it went off the bed and crouched next to it, sliding my hand under the mattress to get the knife that belonged to Alana. I knew what was going to happen. It's in the horror movies. My heart was pounding in the dark where I couldn't see anything, and the knife was my only weapon. I could see where this was going. I pushed the door, and it opened. It's not supposed to open, it's supposed to lock unless someone had a key.

I carefully stepped out of the room and looked down the hall. I saw bodies of patients on the floor in their blood soaked clothes next to their door. Their throats ripped out, the expressions on their faces—ones of horror, sadness, and others had a smile in death. Some were suicidal and wanted to leave. I guess they didn't bother to fight and welcomed death with open arms.

I walked down the hall and tried not to vomit at the smell of iron and the dead bodies. I brought the top of my shirt to cover my nose and kept walking slowly. Not wanting to slip in the pools of blood, I kept tiptoeing over bodies taking my time. My thin shoes were still getting stained with blood.

A door opened in front of me with a creak and saw Sara. "Hello Phoenix! Do you like it?" I looked in the room she just emerged from. My mouth opened in shock and disgust. "Timothy wouldn't tell me what he gave you, neither did Lucas. So I did this to both of them." Her voice became light and airy. "I don't want you to leave." It only registered in my mind that she held about four small knives in her hands.

"No. NO! What did you do?!" I yelled and brought my own knife up in defense.

"This isn't how its' supposed to go! You're supposed to say 'good job'! You can't leave me Clarice. I won't let you!"

I ran. I kept running until I felt something make an impact with my back. The air was knocked out of me as I landed next to a corpse. I felt weight on my back and was able to buck Sara off. I crawled trying to get away but caught my ankle dragging me to her. I turned on my side and kicked her on her stomach.

It hurt her but she still didn't let go, too focused on me. Her other arm came down as a knife made contact with my leg. I cussed in my head too worried to survive and not concentrated on my pain at all. The adrenaline keeping me from feeling anything. I brought my own knife and stabbed it onto her upper thigh. She stood up from the pain and yelled.

"AHHH!"

I crawled away, but the knife made it difficult to get any distance away from her. I felt another knife make its way into the back of my upper left shoulder. "Goddamn it!" I tried to lift myself up but that was a failure. I needed to cry!

I looked behind me and saw Sara losing a lot of blood. She kept stumbling forward and backward. How pathetic we both must have looked, drenched in blood, sweat, and tears. I wanted to stand up. To at least have a chance. My whole world was going black, it hit me there that no matter how hard I could try to have a normal life and think that I could live without any contact with problem…everything was wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wanted to go home. I want my life back. "Mommy." I cried.

"It's okay sweetie, momma Clarice will take care of this. Go to sleep."

I knew that didn't sound good, but I was too tired to care of how far Clarice's madness was capable of.


	6. MaKE IT StoP

Voices were all that I could hear in the black void around me. There was no light and yet I could see clearly that there was white wisps of fog surrounding me. I could hear them mocking me about how I was going to die brutally in here. The voices were of different men, women, and even children, as I walked towards the voices the fog surrounding me clung to me. The voices were loud whisperings now. I saw the crowd as they all had black masks that reminded me of what the Renaissance doctors used to wear with the long beak.

"She doesn't have long—

"She's going to die momma—

"Her stupidity knows no bounds. She's such a savage. Look at the way she—

"No, I think she's going to become a piece of art—

"Don't be stupid! There's no way that her owner will waste her talent with trying to create this piece of shit into something she cannot become—

55555

"Phoenix, you alright?" A female voice called to me with the beeping of what sounded like monitors.

I felt one eye open, and my left didn't. I sucked in a deep breath and sat up quickly. Very bad choice on my part. Everything was so painful to the point I actually threw up on the side of my bed onto the floor. I felt a hand rubbing my back slowly as everything came up. I spit the remaining chunks of what was in my mouth. A cloth came to wipe my mouth, my gaze slowly made contact with blue worried eyes. "Alana?" my voice croaked. She wiped my sweaty face with a different cloth and her face turned with a sudden expression. She hugged my body with both arms wrapped around me with great care towards my injuries. It wasn't until I saw her blouse getting wet that I realized that I was sobbing silently. My shoulders were shaking.

I almost died. I remember seeing my blood flowing out of my wounds, the pain, and the fear of dying. My stupid naivety thought I was safe, just because I "knew" what was going to happen and thought I was invincible. I should have known that I was not safe. No one is safe. Don't play the hero Phoenix, don't be the hero.

I felt tightness in my chest, and it was uncomfortable. The beeping of my heart monitor started to speed up. "Alana. I-I can't b-breathe." I was still crying and had a hard time piecing sentences together. My eyesight began to get blurry as I saw Alana run out the door and scream for help. Five people came in, some were in blue scrubs and one was in a white lab coat—they began to surround my bed, trying to help me breathe as I saw someone with a medical tool try to make a hole in my throat. They didn't knock me out, I felt and saw the tool go into my throat.

"She's going into (1) Hypovolemic shock!"

"Damn it! Who didn't change the blood bag? I need 5 grams of dopamine and another blood bag A SAP!"

"Doctor, her vitals are going down."

I closed my eyes, last thing I heard was the sound of a flat line echoing in the hospital room. I really need to stop dying.

55555

"Phoenix, I need to evaluate your mind. I need to know if your mind may still need treatment. After these types of trauma, you can relapse and end up back where you were. I don't want that to happen to you."

I wanted to talk, I really did, but I couldn't find any words. I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to be alone. When I woke up again after the accident earlier, it was due to the stress and one of the nurse's fault for not switching my blood pack with a fresh one. I lost a lot of blood because of Sara. "H-how a-am I a-alive?" I stuttered quite a bit. Alana looked relieved that I managed to say something.

"You don't know?"

I shook my head.

"From what we got from the surveillance cameras Sara was the one who massacred everyone while they were sleeping. Everyone in the hallway was killed. For some reason she moved the bodies out of their rooms. You confronted her and ran away with a knife—that was in my office—and able to keep her off for a while. You collapsed from your wounds but fought back after you picked yourself up. You suffered more stab wounds on your back and added injury to your left eye." At the mention of my eye I touched the bandage covering it and looked at Alana with a worried expression. She saw my panic and immediately knew my silent question. "The doctors were able to save your eyesight, you are going to have a scar and will need sun glasses to avoid any further damage." She lifted a pitcher and poured me a glass of water.

I drank greedily and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I felt less nervous. "What about Sara?"

"She didn't make it. The injuries you caused her were too great for her to overcome." She put down the pitcher and stood next to me. "The way you took her out wasn't ordinary. That style of fighting has been ingrained in your head since you were young." Alana looked back and brought a chair next to me. "Forgive me, but I haven't been exactly honest with you." Her face turned blank. She was in psychiatrist mode. "When I said you were in the institution, you were admitted for only five years. Go back ten years and that's how long I've been treating you. The first five years were demanded of you from your University due to your psyche evaluation with the schools' psychiatrist. I was still getting my Master's degree and had to do volunteer hours in order to graduate and we both just so happened to cross paths with each other. Those first few years with you under my care were rocky. When I would see you, your body would be exhausted and bruised, you shut everyone out, wanting to be by yourself instead. It wasn't until the end of our first year that you slowly started to make progress and began to tell me little things about yourself. I would never ask about your injuries until the third year that you brought it up." She paused for a moment and let out a long exhale. "You asked me before what Clarice did that was so bad to get admitted in that place. You have to understand that what I am about to reveal will affect how you will be seen in society if I release you. These acts will be seen as trying to survive or an unforgivable act towards loved ones. A lot of these types of victims are ostracized by society because of what happens to the person. It's a reality check and many don't see it that way, society believes if they keep away and hate the victim, then there is no possible chance that it can happen to them."

"What did I do?"

"I'm happy you don't refer to Clarice as a different person." She smiled encouragingly and continued, "Remember that my job is to support you in any way possible. What you did in your younger years were underground cage matches to the death." Underground cage matches…to the death. "You had a father who was in the army, a stay at home mother battling depression, and an older sister by two years with Asperger's Syndrome. Your father died while serving his final term when you were six years old and your mother couldn't handle it. She started drinking and wasted any money she could on drugs. You took care of your big sister because she needed help and couldn't understand what social cues were." Alana pursed her lips together, "When you turned nine years old your mother couldn't take care of both of you anymore, so she sold you and your sister to the black market."

"…"

"You closed up after that for another year, until you came clean in your fifth year with me, by then I graduated and kept giving you sessions. You didn't tell me in detail of what happened and just mentioned briefly on how they trained and allowed you to go to school as long as you told no one. You never saw your sister either."

There was an eerie silence in the hospital room with the exception of the heart monitor and heavy breathing of mine. I feel like I know where this is going and I don't like it. "What happened after?"

"You relapsed after a match in the underground and killed a handful of the audience that were watching. It was so bad to the point that the people running the underground actually called the cops to apprehend you. The judge that convicted you didn't give you a free trial, they didn't even think to give you a lawyer. Those on jury duty didn't see what I saw. They only saw the people that you killed."

"And what, Dr. Bloom, did you see?" I whispered.

"I saw an innocent being taken away the chance to have happiness with her big sister. You had to kill to survive such horrors, and I cannot say that I understand because I've never gone through it, but I can say that what you went through is what no human being should ever go through and what society did to you was unfair."

"Can I be alone for a while? I have to think."

"Of course." She stood up and brought something out of her pocket. A blue box with a black ribbon tied around it. She set it in my hands and gave me a brief hug. "I saved this for you, when they took your belongings in the institution. I'll come tomorrow to do your evaluation. Happy Birthday Phoenix." She slowly retracted and left closing the door silently behind her.

I waited until I could no longer see her through the window, walking down the aisle she got into the elevator and disappeared.

I opened the box carefully and saw a small silver locket. For some unknown reason my hands began to tremble as my hands got closer to it and opened it. There was a small old photo with two little girls with blonde hair. One was slightly older than the other and both had similar facial features. There were so many memories going through my head. They were happy, sad, distressing, and most of all they were of anger.

Above all, all I could think about was how much I loved this girl. My sister. My dear sister, who I still love. My hand kept touching the picture and couldn't imagine how Clarice was able to live with how much she had gone through. I started to cry as I held the locket close to my cheek trying to smother it as if it would become one with me. I brought my legs to my chest and rocked back and forth as more memories began to pour into my head. "Make it stop, please make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop." I kept chanting it, over and over, hoping that the screaming in my head would stop. It didn't.

55555

"Phoenix! Come one! Let's go on that ride!" A little girl with red hair pulled my arm in the direction of a large ride. It shoots you up and drops you in the end. Seems like Knott's Supreme Scream ride.

"Hold on Rosemary, the ride isn't going anywhere. Besides, we still have to measure you to see if you can ride it." She pouted and crossed her arms as we made our way to the ride. I'm not fond of heights, I get vertigo. I'll make this exception considering it's my last day here until I go back to college, then it's back to dying academically.

"Yay! I'm tall enough." I sighed wishing she wasn't and hoped to go back to the kitty rides. I REALLY don't like heights. I pulled my sister towards the entrance and gave the man our tickets to get on.

"Okay, let's do this, but after this ride, we're going to go eat and go back onto the other side of the park and watch some shows. This is the last one we haven't been on." There wasn't a line to wait, which meant we were the only ones' here.

Both of us sat next to each other as the man pulled the over the shoulder restraints on both of us. My leg began to shake up and down from the nervous feeling in my gut. I looked to my right and saw how Rosemary was bobbing her head and smiling. I inhaled and exhaled as the ride began to go straight up. It was so high up that I could see the freeway from up here! I felt like my heart was about to burst with how edgy I was. Then we dropped down. The last thing I remember is my constraint opening and me flying out of the ride and towards the ground.

I jumped from my position and felt achy. My arms were still wrapped around my knees and already I knew that I had slept through the rest of the day. I stretched and saw the locket on my chest. I don't remember putting it on. Light came in through the window and saw the sun rising.

"Out of all the ways to die, Phoenix, you died falling out of a ride. Seriously?" I did a double take and in the reflection of the window, I saw Clarice looking slightly amused. "Hell! That's a really shitty way to die. At least you didn't die on the toilet like Elvis though."

"Where have you been?"

"Keeping quiet until you felt better. Figured you would need space." She shrugged at me.

"Oh." I felt like a dick.

"No worries. Crying helps doesn't it? Especially when sleeping. It must be difficult for you to process all of this. Coming here in this world, staying in an institute with crazy killers as your everyday routine, almost dying by said crazy killers, and getting all of my memories in an instant. Very draining. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to get out of there."

I rubbed my eye hoping that it didn't look like I had cried in my sleep. "Clarice, how did you take down Sara?" I stopped and stared at my reflection.

"Well it wasn't easy that's for sure. I had to get up from the floor while bleeding out. Then I had to pick up the knife and tried to remember how to defend yourself in a knife fight. I'll have to tell you, being a scout is freakishly hard to do. I have to give them props. Anyway, sorry about the injury to the eye." Clarice rubbed her covered left eye in a weary manner. "I also had to kill Sara." Her hand fell from her face. "I'm not gonna lie, it's easy for me to kill. It's been ingrained into my mind since I was a kid. I could say that I regret it, but I don't. It was her, or us."

She left and had me alone in the room again. The sun was high in the sky since I last paid attention to it.

*Knock, knock*

The door opened and a female doctor came in, "Oh, you're awake. Good morning, I'm Doctor Douglas." She smiled and came in with a clipboard. "And how are we feeling today Ms. Starling?"

"I feel fine." I responded truthfully.

"No headaches, pain in your back, eye?"

"No, everything feels fine."

"Alrighty then." She motioned me to sit up straight and opened the hospital gown to check my chest, back, and legs. "You seem to be healing fine." She turned on the small flashlight and put it in my right eye as she pulled out a small metal stick. "I want you to point and follow this." I did as she told me and nodded as if satisfied. "We can take off your eye bandage in about two days. How does that sound?"

I nodded yes. "I'll come back in the evening to see how you're doing." She smiled and left.

I laid back onto the pillows of the hospital bed, which were uncomfortable and kept tossing and turning. "Two days of being in bed doing nothing. At least it's somewhat of an upgrade. This isn't for the criminally insane."

A few hours later after breakfast, an elderly nurse came into my room with a wheelchair. "Hello sweetie, I'm Mrs. Norse. Come on, we're taking you to the sharing room."

"Sharing room?"

"It's for people who have survived a traumatic experience with others. Everything is extremely private and with security so no one knows anything." I thought I was going to be subjected to getting put back in the Hospital for the Insane again.

The little old lady helped to get me into the wheelchair as another nurse came in to take it from there. This one was younger and male, he looked a bit emo to me with his hair in his face. "I'll take it from here Mrs. Norse." He backed me out and took me into the hallway past other doctors and into a different room. I saw three other people in the room. Two were obviously patients and the other was Alana Bloom.

She looked up with a smile as she saw me. I was wheeled in beside a girl with black hair and a boy with blonde hair.

"Hello Phoenix. Are you feeling any better?"

I nodded trying not to make eye contact. I felt embarrassed when I broke down and cried in front of her. "We're going to start with introducing each other." Oh good lord no.

55555

"Phoenix, so far you've shown signs of PTSD. Your anxiousness and complete dislike of eye contact is something new that you've never shown in the past to this degree." I shifted uncomfortably and tried to have both eyes on the floor. I was struggling more to not make any eye contact, especially when I got my eye bandages off today. If you thought my eyes were blue, the damage made my left eye look like it was glowing…creepily. I could tell it made Alana uncomfortable just from her posture, she was defensive. It doesn't help that I now have a scar running down my eye towards the middle of my cheek. I looked like a rebel. "There's nothing that indicates you are insane, everything else can be controlled with medicine, but will still have sessions with me." My whole face lit up so quick I thought my face was going to stay like that. "I'm still going to visit and check up on you." And just like that the moment's gone. "I'm only going to visit in the morning and only three times a week. Okay?"

"Okay." I agreed as she brought a few bags from the floor and put them on the side of my bed.

"I wasn't sure what kind of clothes you wore, so I just took solid colors I thought you might like. I also went to your old room and was able to find some of your things under the mattress. I saved what I could." She gave me a flat long box, inside were the music sheets Clarice composed and the fountain pens that were hidden.

"Thank you. You didn't have to go through the trouble." I mumbled.

"It wasn't that hard. I thought you'd like something that you've had for a while and keep it as some sort of rock. Being released from a place like that and into the real world is going to be a shock to you, but I'm going to be helping you, so don't worry." I went through the bags and found a pair of aviator sunglasses. "You don't have to worry about the money, I'm doing this as a friend and a 'Welcome to the Other Side' gift. I thought you would be uncomfortable with people staring so I got you something that would help cover some of the scarring."

I put on the aviators and looked at Alana. "You really have no idea how much this means to me." I know that some people like to show off their scars to prove they have nothing to fear because they survived an ordeal. I on the other hand have everything to fear.

"I'm sure you would have done the same for me. I have to leave in a few minutes. I talked with your doctor and you'll be released tomorrow in the afternoon. I also have tomorrow off work, there anything you want to do?"

"I…can I dye and cut my hair? I want a change of scenery." I looked at my long blonde dead hair. I need a different look.

"Sure." She smiled at me. "This is good, it means you want to get a new start in life. I'll see you later kid."

"I'm thirty." I deadpanned.

"I'm still older than you." She left with a small laugh. I grinned and looked out the window and saw my reflection. I haven't talked with Clarice in a while and I sure as hell won't tell Alana that I can talk to her. I won't tell anyone. I rummage through the box of my few belongings and notice the note that Timothy had delivered to me before his and Lucas' death. I open it and see perfectly drawn twenty-six symbols. Under each picture had the letter of the alphabet.

"So this was what he was talking about." I held the paper in both of my hands and remembered that my left hand was healed from me punching the mirror. I had small scars but could barely be seen. "I'm not even sure if I'm going to need his connections, but it doesn't hurt to be careful." I put the paper back into my box and relaxed into the covers. "What did he mean by 'previous employer'?" I took off the sunglasses and put all the gifts on the floor next to my bed and tried to sleep. "Ugh." I took my pillow and put it on my face. "I hate hospitals."


	7. WHerE I LivE

"Come on! Don't fall. Don't fall." Next thing I know, I made impact with the cold, white, hospital floor. "Oof!"

"…Are you sure you don't want me to help you into the wheelchair?" I looked up from the floor to look at Alana with a pained grimace. She was standing next to a plain black wheelchair with her lips pursed, trying not to laugh.

"Ha. Ha. Laugh at my pain." My arms weakly lifted my torso off the floor as the rest of my body was dealing with numbness. "How long until this drug wears off?"

Alana came over to help me up and into my ticket out of hell. "It should last for another thirty minutes or so. In the meantime, we're going to buy some hair dye and new pair of hair scissors. I'm going to dye and cut your hair. You don't mind do you?" She started to push the door open and we started to make our way into the hallway, passing by many doctors rushing to different rooms.

"No I don't mind, heck I wouldn't even care if you messed up. I just don't want to look like I've…given up." My eyes were sunken in from restless sleep. Not that anyone could tell with the sunglasses on, but my skin was paler too. Dead hair that just hangs around with no purpose of life…dear god I'm sulking.

We made it out of the hospital and into the parking lot, going into Alana's car. She helped buckle me in in the passengers' seat and put the crutches given to me in the trunk. My head laid on the window looking at the so called hospital. I was happy I wasn't in the crazy house version of the "hospital" anymore. I closed my eyes as memories flashed through my head in rapid motion like a slide show. All those corpses piled on the floor with blood staining just about everything as I remembered lifeless eyes staring at me.

I opened my eyes and we were parked in front of a small and simple light blue house. Just how long did I have my eyes closed? I looked to my left and the driver's seat was empty.

"Jesus." I shakily moved my legs up and down, trying to test them out. I felt like a newborn fawn just learning to walk again. I opened the back seat and got my crutches out, putting one under my armpits and using the crutch to close the door. I walked to the blue house as I made clacking noise, hitting the pavement with my extra handicap. Making my way to the front, I heard talking inside. I peeked inside and saw Alana talking to what seemed like someone hiding in the shadows. I looked behind and noticed a very expensive car parked next to Alana's car. "How did I not notice that?" I entered trying not to make any noise and hid behind a closed door. I peeked and saw the back of a man's head. His hair looked like a very light brown and styled professionally with what looked like an expensive suit.

His clothes without a single crimp and shoes that shined in good condition. My mind whispered 'perfectionist', 'cautious', and 'liar'. The way he held himself made the mysterious man like a sort of predator. There's no way in hell I'd ever want to meet this guy. Definitely not on my bucket list. I closed the door and moved to a different room and locked the door. I turned around on my crutches and saw more clothes on the bed. "Must be my room." I went to sit on my bed and laid the crutches beside it. I didn't realize this, but next thing I know, I see a shadow of a person peeking under the door. I didn't even hear anything. The shadow stands just outside my door, as if contemplating if it's a good idea to come inside. I see the door handle begin to move slowly.

"Hannibal!" I hear Alana call. The handle stops moving.

I slap my hands on my mouth to keep myself from shouting out. I close my eyes begging myself to not make a sound. To keep it down and swallow my scream. He can probably smell my uneasiness from behind the door. I see the shadow move away from the door and I can finally hear footsteps walking down the hall.

"Yes Alana?"

"You shouldn't wander around. My patient is under a lot of stress and meeting new people isn't going to help ease into this new life." I could hear them talking.

"I apologize, I was just curious." His voice held that sweet tone that could make any living girl (or guy) drop dead…or he could just kill you and eat your liver and lung.

"I don't blame you, my patient is like a younger version of Will. Huge dislike towards psychiatrists."

"Yet you come and help him."

I hear her amusement in her voice. "Yes well, I've known my patient for ten years now. I'm the only one he trusts. Don't approach my patient without my knowing. You and I have different ways to help, mine have been working so far. So please, don't barge in."

At this point I can't take it anymore. I run into a conveniently placed bathroom in my room and puke my guts out into the toilet. Wow, I made it without crutches.

I hear murmurs and hear the clacking of heels running into my room. "Clarice!" I feel someone hold my hair up and closing of the bathroom door. "You okay?" I look at her with an eyebrow arched. "Right, stupid question."

I flush the toilet and hold the bowl as if it were my only friend. "How did you know I was in here?"

"Well, I went to check on you in the car and you and your crutches weren't there. You obviously can't get far with how injured you are." I nodded and groaned.

"Can I sleep? I'm tired." I say in a drowsy voice.

"I think your body might be rejecting the medicine." My head goes to the side as Alana helps me to my feet and walks me to my bed.

"Who were you taking to? I heard voices."

"A colleague of mine. I asked him to help me figure out how to make this house feel like home to you and how to integrate you into a more social life."

"You know your colleague could have phoned you. Ya know? On your phone." I stated plainly. "Did he already leave?"

"Yes. Though I do hope that you meet him when you open up a bit more. He's practically a genius when it comes to this type of stuff."

"Mmhm."

She chuckles at me and I smile sleepily, pushing my face into the white fluffy pillow, totally okay with being on a real bed after what felt like so many years in this new body. "Uh. I think I accidentally pulled out my stitches."

565656

"Just take a few steps at a time Phoenix." I cheer to myself as I look at the mirror at my new appearance. I now have short dark brown hair that frames my face.

"Not bad at all. Though I wish you had left your hair a bit longer. Boys love long hair." I see the reflection of my hand primping up my hair even though I'm clearly not moving or talking.

"Clarice."

"Yep. Though I see you've met Hannibal." I see my reflection walk to sit on the bed. I turn around to look at the bed and notice that I'm still standing in front of the mirror. My head turns back and my reflection is still on the bed with my leg crossed over the other.

"Hannibal didn't meet me, and it wasn't direct contact."

"True, but be careful. His kind of crazy is smart, not instinct. Doesn't help that Alana compared you and Will. He knows where you live now and probably even more curious about you. Alana made a wrong move to bring attention from the Chesapeake Ripper, and we only got out of the hospital not that long ago.

"How do you know he's crazy? You've never even met him."

"Easy, you have access to my memories and I have access to yours. It's a win-win. Not just that, but there are powerful people in the underground that know all about him. We practically have eyes everywhere and know everything about everyone. Of course we never approach the person unless we need something. Though, I'm still technically apart of that, but due to our…circumstances, it's obviously not the best choice to go into."

My eyes closed as my lungs took in oxygen and exhaled slowly. "I just hope he doesn't know who I am. If I ever meet him face to face, it would be too soon. I don't even know what part of the show I'm in, I can guess that episode one is already done since Alana made reference to Will. I still can't believe you worked for the underground at such a young age."

Clarice chose to ignore my last statement. "What was up with Alana? She's supposed to keep our identity confidential, even to colleagues."

"I actually don't think he knows our—my name. Alana never said my name directly. Hell I don't even think he knows I'm a girl."

"What makes you say that?"

"Alana said that I'm a younger version of Will. That implies that I'm a young man. Which I am not."

Clarice was satisfied with my reasoning and nodded. "What's on our 'to do' list today?"

"Well, Alana wants us-me to get out of the house."

"That doesn't seem so bad."

"And communicate with people."

"That's bad." Clarice replied almost immediately.

"You know what she did? She literally took all of my food so that I could have a reason to interact with people at the grocery store." Of which I have no intention of doing…but I'm going to interact with people if I don't want to starve to death. Survival of the fittest, Darwin you suck!

"Don't worry! If it makes you feel any better, I'll even hold your hand." She began laughing at me.

"…I have nothing to say to you." I turned away from the mirror and walked slowly out the door and into the kitchen. The healing of my injuries were coming along gradually and Alana was checking up on me three times a week. I looked for any type of food. The cupboards are literally bare. "Ugh, I have to go grocery shopping." I grabbed my house keys and put on my sunglasses as I locked the door before I left walking. "The closest store is two miles away. Not that bad of a walk in the middle of nowhere."

The road only consisted of just that. A lonely flat road with the occasional tumbleweed and green bushes with trees.

I arrived at the store in about thirty minutes and grabbed a basket. My hand clenched the metal handle as my knuckles turned white. I gulped and entered the store. "I only have to do this every two weeks. Not every day. I can do this." I whispered to myself and went to the cereal aisle. "Okay…what's cheap and good?" My eyes scanned the 'Trix' and 'Cheerios'. I'm in no hurry to turn diabetic, that's for sure. My hand hovered over the Raisin Bran cereal, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted it.

"I'd go for the Trix in my opinion." I jumped and accidentally dropped my basket as I turned around to face the person speaking to me. An Asian woman with long black hair was staring back at me with a friendly smile. My eyes still wide and felt my cheeks blushing in embarrassment. "You sure are a jumpy one." She bent down and grabbed my basket for me and put in the Trix, making up my choice for me. "Never seen you here before. You new in town?"

I nodded and grabbed the basket from the Asian woman. "Yeah, two weeks ago."

"Well then," She kept her hand stretched out to me, "I'm Beverly. Nice to meet you."

"I'm Cla—Phoenix. Likewise." I shook her hand and took mine back. "How did you know I moved here?"

"I've never seen you. Everyone here knows everybody. Word from the wise, make sure that people don't get suspicious. People here are nice, but unfortunately are judgmental. If you ever need me, I usually shop here once a week on Wednesdays at four."

"That's very kind of you, but why are you doing this?"

She shrugged, "Cause I know what it feels like to be new in this town." Beverly excused herself and left down the aisle.

"Beverly…where have I heard that name before?" I shook my head and proceeded to look for more groceries that I would need. At the register, a lot of people were looking at me strangely as if trying to dissect me and trying to find something wrong with me. I tried not to make eye contact with them and kept my gaze down. The girl at the cash register was even looking at me weird.

I could hear the ticking of a watch every time a second passed. The small giggling of children as they ran through the store and a mother trying to placate them. The light above me flickering indicating that it needed repair. Time went by slowly, as if this was my impending doom. Beverly wasn't kidding about the judging stares.

It wasn't until I paid that I realized everyone was looking at my scarred hand. I got out of the store as fast as possible. It probably didn't help that I was dressed in black from head to toe. The clothes covering my arms, legs, chest and my sunglasses, leaving nothing to the imagination. Breathing was starting to get harder. I stopped and laid my head against the wall of the store, trying to slow down my breath and tried to get oxygen into my lungs. No way in hell am I calling the paramedics.

It took ten minutes to calm down and tried to get rid of the dizzy feeling. I began to make my way home when I heard a noise coming from the bushes beside me. 'Don't freak out, don't freak out, DON'T FREAK OUT!' I saw small paws stepping out of the bushes and eyes staring at my bag of groceries. Its tail began to swish from side to side. It was obvious that the dog had no owner due to how dirty it was and the rancid smell. I could see the dog's bones jutting out of its skin from not being fed well. "Do not pull a Will Graham. Do not pull a Will Graham."

It was too late, I saw the puppy eyes. "God Dammit!"

565656

"So what you're saying is that you adopted a dog from off the streets because it gave you puppy eyes?" Alana was eventually going to find out, might as well get over with it.

"Yes…But you weren't there Alana! It was so cute! Now that I have him in my home—he is so evil!"

SQUEAK!

Alana and I look from the couch and watch my dog chewing on a hamburger dog toy I bought him yesterday, looking like the perfect pet.

"He looks alright to me."

"But you weren't there! He destroyed my other couch."

"I'm sure that there's a reasonable explanation."

"He chewed and urinated on my shoes." I said gritting through my teeth.

"…touché."

"He's too damn adorable to give away, not to mention that I've already had like three panic attacks and Loki keeps me from progressing further."

"Loki? The Norse God? Panic attacks?!"

"Yeah, only thing is my dog doesn't need to speak in order have it his way. All he needs are his good looks and his puppy eyes." It wasn't until I finished my statement that I realized that I gave details away of my many panic attacks. Oops.

"When were you going to tell me about the panic attacks?"

"Uhh. Never?"

Her hands rubbed her face and left one hand on to clench onto the bridge of her nose. "Exactly like Will." She groaned. "What breed is Loki?"

"From I researched, he's a purebred Akita. They can range from $800 to $2000. Don't know why anybody doesn't want him. He's a beautiful animal."

Loki's ears perked up and looked up from his chew toy. I shot him back a look that said 'yes I just complimented you.'

"Never the less, it's not normal to have so many panic attacks. What are you usually doing that causes these?"

"Grocery shopping. There are too many people and I can always feel them staring at me." At this point Loki brought his toy with him to hop onto my lap and got comfortable with me.

"Have you tried exercising?"

"Are you trying to hint at something?" My eyes narrowed at the implication. Of course having Loki in my lap did not allow me to have the desired effect of looking evil.

"No! No! I'm just curious since at the hospital we always made you active. Do you think that since you stopped, it left your body restless? It could also be that you had some power over yourself in the hospital and had limited contact with outsiders. Now all you see are outsiders. That may be the most likely reason for your panic attacks."

"What kind of exercise would you recommend?"

"Well I was thinking that since you already have a background in Mixed Martial Arts and this place is known for its violence..." her voice drifted off, "that you should go back into training, reinforce what you already know. For protection and an increase in control over your life."

"Seems reasonable. But how do I get over to a dojo? I don't have a car."

"We could always buy you a bike in the meantime."

"A bike." Just one problem…I don't know how to ride one, never learned.

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"Capital MMA & Elite Fitness", I looked up at the sign and read it. My head turned down to see Loki stare up at me with his head cocked to the side. "You think they like dogs?" Loki looked back down and stared at the door. I hesitated in opening the door to enter the place, it wasn't that I'm scared, it's just I am not comfortable with so many people in one enclosed area. Hell, I'm pretty sure that my old 'facility' had more room than this. "I think we should go Loki." He looked towards me and padded after me as I made my way to the bike that Alana graciously gave me. I hopped on and about to start pedaling when I heard Clarice.

"So, you're not going to practice my old hobby anymore? Ya know, it would absolutely help you get out of situations love."

"Exactly, this is your hobby, not mine. I don't handle violence very well."

"I know, if the incident from our cage was anything to go by. I can take over Phoenix, so that you don't have to deal with the gore and death."

"That's exactly the reason that I don't want you to take over. Last time I let you control, she ended up dead."

"Sweet, naïve, little Phoenix. You honestly believe that if I hadn't stepped in, she would have let you live? Even after your little near-death experience, you still know nothing. I gave you my memories, yet you still believe in the best of the world. Wake up sweetheart. We live in a world filled with sin. Where humans believe that we can have everything to our hearts' desire. I have done everything in my power to make sure you stay alive."

"Clarice—"

"Do you honestly believe that it's normal for someone such as yourself after everything that happened to you? Don't you ever wonder why you healed so quickly? How you walked away perfectly normal with no sign of brain damage after you flat lined? You think it's so called "normal", to come back to life after being dead for 8 minutes? People talk, doctors talk. They don't care if they gossip and ruin someone's life, so long as they get paid. There are some good doctors out there, but most just want their fat paycheck. What happened to you should have been impossible after how much blood you lost. I wouldn't be surprised if Alana didn't tell you. She's keeping the doctors from talking to the media. What you went through, was nothing short but a miracle."

"It's you isn't it? You're keeping me alive."

"You have nothing to live for here, but I do. I won't let anything get in my way, especially not your way of how the world turns."

I didn't know what to say, the words stuck at my throat. "I…I'm sorry."

"I know you are, but don't you dare be selfish. You're not the only one who's sharing this body. You're still adjusting to this life. Don't go head into problems without consulting me."

I sighed to myself, "Looks like I'm going to have to learn Mixed Martial Arts." I got off my bicycle as Loki kept staring at me then at my shoes, then back to me again. "Don't even go there right now." His ears deflated a bit and pouted. Loki followed me into the studio as I approached the receptionist at the front desk. "Hello, I was wondering if there were any classes available."

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"Just take one little white pill a day, and you'll be just fine Phoenix." I popped the cap open and tossed it into my mouth as I took it with water. My conflictions with Clarice taking over my body was still big. She said she was good at dealing with the violence, I just didn't realize the extent was gore.

My spine had chills as I walked a good distance to the window of my home with a white fluffy blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I sat down on a chair, just staring out the window. The amount of snow blanketing my driveway made everything so peaceful, but knowing Maryland, it wouldn't last very long. The whole East coast in fact, is just a little bit crazier than the West. "Some hot chocolate sounds good right about now." I said to no one in particular. I heard the jingling of Loki's collar as he padded into the kitchen. He curled around my feet and laid down. He exhaled loudly as his ears twitched looking at his reflection in the white tiled floor.

"Looks like it's just you and me Loki," I gazed back outside. "I never thought my life would be this complicated, to deal with so much hate in their eyes. I saw my reflection without my sunglasses. My eye still eerily glowing at me. I hate how I can see into people's eyes and watch their daily routine. I hate how I see everything. The judgmental stares at other people. The lies that are as clear as day, I don't even have to look into their eyes, just the body movements. A never ending cycle.

There's a couple. A man in his late thirties who is trying to placate his young upset lover.

"Don't worry Angela, I will get a divorce from my wife, then we can be together. I promise." I see the man's left shoulder go up slightly as he says the last sentence. Liar. He has no intention of leaving his family for a mistress who looks so in love with him.

I keep walking and there's a man with a child, walking. The man is dressed in a suit and tie with a brief case in his left, a cellphone in his right hand. The child walking beside him with a small bear looking desperately at his father's hand, wanting to hold it. The older man closes his cell phone. "Daddy, will you take me to the park today? We haven't gone in forever."

"I swear we'll go today, just after I finish this next case against Bradbury." I see his eyebrow pinch in discontent. Sadness. He knows he's not going to finish tonight. The case after that, he'll get assigned a new one.

I keep walking and can't help the fact that I see everything.

By the wall I see a man and wife discussing about her parents visiting. "I can't wait until your parents come. They're such good company." Clear as day, the high pitch in the husbands' voice and the fake smile that doesn't reach the man's eyes. Annoyance.

I close my eyes and open them, I'm back in my house with Loki at my feet. My name is Clarice Starling, I live in Maryland, and this is my design.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it’s short, but my next chapter is going to be longer. My mind is about to explode! I want to put a lot of detail into this, but I’m not sure if my readers will like it. Only one way to find out. I know it’s a typical girl falls into the universe, but I want to do it with a little twist. By the way, anyone know how I can see Hannibal all the way from the second season? I only saw two episodes then I got busy with school work and I can’t find any way to see it.


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